Change can be hard!

Change can be hard!

Part of being a good leader is knowing when to let go! It's learning to raise up amazing leaders under you that could one day take over where you left off and hopefully, even bring it to the next level! That doesn't make change any easier!

As our worship team, I am no longer part of, was practicing tonight, I felt a sadness. They were having so much fun and I missed being a part of that! (I can't escape it, it took place in my living room- Church planter problems!) I enjoy singing and worship and the camaraderie that our band has. I realize that the band has moved forward and has come to a really great place. They are growing and engaging more people in worship. New and younger talent is developing in ways they weren't able to with me in there.

I also just handed our church women's ministry to our associate pastor's wife. She has a passion for women's ministry and I know that she is the right woman for the job. At Thrive, God spoke to me and told me to let her take the ministry. I have full confidence that she will bring the ministry to the next level! I'm excited for what God is going to do through her!

The growing stage is hard! I know that as I am leaving these ministries, God is freeing me for other things. I know that I cannot move to greater heights when I am stuck where I used to be! Sometimes there is a gap between one thing and what's coming next. We just need to sit and wait on God to reveal it to us!

I can know these things in my head, but my heart still hurts sometimes.

But...I see it on the horizon! New things are coming! I have to look toward the future!
I can't wait to see what God has next!

Thrive! Don't just survive!

I have a friend that has been going through some difficult times. She is an amazing woman of God, but she has been struggling a bit. She shared with me that she told another friend about this and she was told "God doesn't always call us to thrive, sometimes his will is for us to just survive". 

What?!? My nose crinkled up in confusion and disbelief! That can't be true!

Didn't Paul say that he was content in all circumstance? 

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." Philippians 4:11 

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Sometimes we get in we get in a rut where we thin if we are just surviving we're okay. God wants to do more than just survive! He wants to see us thrive. 

Yes, there will be difficult times. Yes, there will be seasons of chaos surrounding us. Yes, we will go through situations we never thought we'd have to face. But..can't we learn to thrive in those situations? Doesn't God want that for us? Doesn't he want to use us to be a light shining to all those around us in the world, that we can overcome? Doesn't he want us to thrive and grow and learn and rejoice even in these times? especially in these times?

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord And whose trust is the Lord.

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For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

That sounds like a healthy, THRIVING tree to me! We can thrive if our trust is in the Lord!

Take time for yourself, surround yourself with women that will lift you up, attend an a conference! You can do all those things in one place at PF Women's Conference Thrive ( pfwomen.com for more information) Sometimes we need a change of perspective! Fill yourself with things of God that will help propel you to a place where you can learn to thrive no matter the circumstance! 

We have been fed a lie that just surviving is okay! Rebuke that lie! Don't let the enemy have the victory! You can and will overcome! You can and will thrive and grow and come out stronger on the other side! 

What do you love about yourself?

"Turn to the person next to you and tell them something you love about yourself. Not your job, not your family, but YOU!" The words from the conference speaker hung in the air. I began to fell the tingles of nerves beginning to course through my body.

"I love my silliness" called out the woman to my right.

The lady to my left sat for a short moment, before stating, "I love my patience".

They both turn to me, as my face grows red. I question, "Just about me, not what I do or my family?"

I feel the tears begin to well as my mind draws a blank. I hadn't realized it had gotten this bad. I always knew I had struggled with my self esteem. I knew that I had a hard time when the attention was focused on me. Still everyone is anticipating my answer, as the heat in my body rages and the embarrassment wells.

The speaker, a friend of mine, catches wind to what is happening. She reels off a list of things that she loves about me. She lists things about my heart, about my inward and outward beauty. The tears are beginning to threaten to exit me...

Why is this so hard! Can't I possibly find one thing about myself at this moment to share. This is just getting ridiculous. Just say something, anything.....I love my.......ahhhhhh! Lord help me!

Then it finally hits me!

I could have offered some pad answer and not let anyone know the internal struggle. I could have masked the turmoil inside of me. I didn't know these ladies (other than the speaker). I could have let them think that I was this confident, secure woman....but I can't. That's not who I am.

Then I realize, that is what I love about me!

I am not fake! I LOVE that I am not fake! Even when it would be easier to pretend. I could hide all the things that I would rather not have people see.

But I love that I am REAL! In all situations! Regardless of my role as a leader, I have to allow myself to be vulnerable! I feel God has called me to this realness.

So here I am, bearing the embarrassment once more, to be real! I challenge you to be real! Also, take a hard look at yourself and figure out your insecurities and deal with them!

I had planned to go to the workshops that dealt with the practical side of ministry. God changed my plans! I decided my church could handle not having the best way to build a team! They needed a healthy leader! I chose to take care of me and attend the workshops about who God says I am and how to find confidence in the midst of your insecurities.

I thank God that he brought it to my attention! I thank God for the leadership of the conference that cares about the health of women in leadership!
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The conference I attended was STRONGER put on by Pen Florida Assembly of God Woman's Ministry. Go to www.pfwomen.com for more info on the amazing conferences and events they offer.

How to make a baby doll sling

Supplies: 

Fabric- 55 inches by 32 inches ( I used a light weight cotton)

Coordinating thread

Two large binder clips

Sewing machine

Iron

Starch (opitional- makes sewing straight lines easier)

Ironing board

1. Iron your fabric to make it easier to work with.

2. Fold over twice, so all raw edges are tucked inside, and hem all 4 sides. I folded over 1/2 inch and starched and ironed and then folded another 1/2 inch and starched and ironed, repeating on all 4 sides. Sew a straight line to hem all edges.

3. Fold one end up 2 1/2 inches, on the long side of the fabric, starch and iron. Then, sew straight across to make the pocket for your binder clips.

4. Open up your binder clips and feed the fabric through. Both binder clips goes into the same pocket, just like you would see on a ring sling.

**Do NOT use for human babies or animals. This is intended to be a toy for baby dolls and stuffed animals!**

Where else could I go?

It’s been a little over six months since my mom passed away. I finally feel like I have enough strength to try writing again.

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Last summer, when my mom was quite sick with the cancer that eventually killed her, I was struggling more than I ever had before. I was on my way up to see her and stopped to spend some time with friends in South Carolina. I joined them for their Sunday church service, before heading the rest of the way up to Franklin, North Carolina to see my parents. The worship team began to play a very familiar song that I had sung many times before. I began to sing with no specific emotion, as often happens when you know a song so well. “Forever Reign” by Hillsongs. It got to the chorus of the song which says,

 

 “Oh, I’m running to Your arms, I’m running to Your arms. The riches of Your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to Your embrace, Light of the World forever reign.”

 

I was suddenly hit like a brick. A wave of intense grief washed over me. I though, “I don’t want to run to anyone’s arms but my mother’s.” She was the one that had been there for me all my life. We were not just mother and daughter, we were best friends. She was my cheerleader, my support, my counselor, the first person I wanted to share news with. I just couldn’t stop weeping with the thought that God wasn’t going to heal her in this life. He was going to take her to her heavenly home, despite what everyone’s hopes and prayers were. I wanted more than anything to be able to always run into her arms.

 

I started to question, “Would God’s love be enough?” It didn’t feel like it! I just wanted my mom. I started wrestling my thoughts with God. “Why do you have to take her? Will I still love you the same? How can I go on without my biggest supporter?”

 

My answer finally came. Where else would I go?

 

Just like Simon Peter, when most of the disciples had left, said in John 6:68…

 

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God”

 

I realized the only one that had truly been there for me all my life without fail was Jesus. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. My parents did not become believers until I was in my late teens. I had attended church my whole life, but my family wasn’t saved. God was the one who was with me always. Where else could I turn?

 

To be honest, it was with great trepidation that I settled with that. I was mad at God. I knew he would take her, but I also knew I had no where else to go. I realized I could be mad at God and still love and follow him. I felt like David in Psalm 22.

 

“O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One”

 

I realized I could be in those two places at once. I could be upset and questioning and yet still know that God is on the throne and He is good. I never understood that before that point in time.

 

Now almost a year from that day, I am no longer mad. I know that God spared her of suffering. I still miss her everyday. I always will. I now have a peace that God will carry me through and make me stronger.

Who me?

My nephew, who I watch during the day, didn't nap. My 3 year old is cranky and taunting her brothers relentlessly. My 9 year old hates math and cries "There is no way I can do this! I'm never going to use this!" My 10 year old is flaunting the fact that he already finished his school and "It's not that difficult!" Then the phone rings...

It is my presbyter's wife Betty. She asked me how I was doing, most likely a minor formality to lead up to her point. I however, saw a warm body on the line and unleashed all my troubles! I went on about how overwhelmed I am and how I don't know if I can do it all! I told her homeschooling was becoming less and less appealing.

I thought I was busy when I was a youth pastor's wife. As I church planter's wife, I move non-stop. It is not unusual for me to work from the time I wake up until 10:00 at night! I am planning the service, meeting with the core team, promoting the church (even at my kids' football games, yes- I have become that person), phone calls, connecting with people online, and all those other millions of things, plus running a homeschooling household! I don't think there are enough hours in the day sometimes!

She then shows reluctance and utters, "I don't know if I should even ask you then."

I reply, "Oh, It's always this way. What do you need Betty, I'll try to help."

She shocks me with, "I would like for you to be the women's guest speaker for our Sectional Ministry Life Seminar."

"Who, me?" I think I managed to get out. "I've never done that before."

She reassures me, "You will be great! I believe you can do it. I have read your blog. Just be real. You can talk about anything and use whatever format you like."

Had I not been reading Jodi Detrick's book The Jesus Hearted Woman, I may not have had the courage to even consider it. The first chapter, entitled These Shoes are Too Big, spoke about the author getting a call to become a District Woman's Director. She felt that she was not ready for the change, but didn't want to deny God's move in her life. She took that step of faith and said "Yes."

With my heart pounding, and my whole body shaking, I agreed to speak. This would be my first time speaking to women, and pastor's wives and women in active ministry no less! What could I have to offer these ladies? They should be teaching me!

God began to birth a message in me that I believe every woman can relate to, probably a lot of men as well.

Inadequacies. We can't let them stand in the way of what God is calling us to.

So, with a bit of fear still in me, I managed to speak that day. Although it wasn't perfect, it went over very well. I even got an offer to speak at a women's group in November!

When God call you, he equips you!

Tinkerbell Blessings

This past week I had the privilege of attending the Assemblies of God 55th General Council. Words cannot begin to tell of all the ways God blessed us while we were there in the midst of nearly 35,000 others from our fellowship. Maybe I will share some stories later!

While there, I participated in a new ministry for Pastor's Wives called Her Green Room. As I was leaving the room I was asked, along with many others, to film a short video for a new study that will be produced in the near future. They gave me several different topics they were looking for, such as worship, discipleship, and relationships. I wasn't sure I had anything for those categories, but I said I'm not afraid to do it. The woman with the film crew asked me what came to my mind. I told her a story from my daughter's adoption. I don't think I've shared it here before.

We adopted my daughter from a teen mom that had been in and out of our ministry for years. She returned to the ministry when she found out she was expecting. She was planning on parenting the baby. I was one of her support people. I was even in the delivery room, never knowing she would be my child.

Katrina's birth mother parented her for 7 months before she came to me. She asked me to take her because it was too much for her. She was in over her head. She was a single mom, raised by a single mom, raised by a single mom, and so on. After sleeping on it one night my husband and I decided to take her.

The 4 week process of social workers, adoption lawyers, fundraising, etc. was a whirlwind! There were a lot of emotional lows. We often questioned whether we were doing the right thing. Was Katrina really supposed to be part of our family?

This was the end of September of 2010. Halloween was approaching. My kids always dress up and go to an area church that hosts a fall festival. That year, Bobby wanted to dress as Peter Pan. Knowing that we would have Katrina by the festival, we really wanted her to go as Tinkerbell. Considering all the adoption expenses, there was really no money leftover to buy a costume (esp. for a baby that wouldn't know the difference). It wasn't really important, but we all kind of hoped it might work out.

I came home from a day out. While I was gone a friend had come by to drop off some clothes for my soon to be daughter. At the very top of the bag, was a Tinkerbell costume! I started to cry right there! God cared enough about me to send me a silly costume that didn't really matter! It was a confirmation that Katrina was destined to be in our family!

It amazes me that God cares about each of us, so individually, to send us the little things that don't really seem to matter. It may seem insignificant to anyone but you!

If it matters to your heart, it matters to God!