Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Adoption Navigation

I have recently seen and heard a lot about how opening adoption helps everyone.  I am so mixed about this.  I am trying to see the benefits in our situation and right now I just can't.  I need to protect my daughter.  How would it benefit her to have a birth mom in her life that refuses to call her by her given name, who goes around bad mouthing us, who has not learned from her mistakes and is continuing and get worse in her behavior. 

I try to see things from the birth mother's perspective.  I do feel bad for her.  I can only imagine the turmoil she must be going through; however, does that mean that I should put my daughter at risk because of it? No!

I have people ask me all the time if I have heard from the birth family.  Part of me just wants to forget there was a birth family.  Don't get me wrong, I will be forever grateful that the birth mother chose Rob and I to raise this amazing girl, I am just not wanting it to be a daily part of my life.

I am trying to learn how to navigate this role of adoptive mother.  There is no book that can help me through my specific adoption.  Every adoption is so different and mine is certainly out of the ordinary.  I am caught between more of a familial type adoption and a semi-open.  We knew the birth mother for 5 years before she blessed us with this baby.  It has made things extremely hard.  We didn't go through an adoption agency.  We did have a social worker and a lawyer, but in a way we were left to our own devices.  There were so many times I called my social worker, I know I drove her crazy, because I just had no idea what I was getting into.  I wish there was some textbook on how to deal with it.  I know that is nearly impossible due to every story being unique. 

I thought it would all end once the adoption was final.  It has helped a lot, but there are still so many emotional struggles!  I just hope and pray that one day I can find a way to explain everything to Katrina in a way that makes sense to her and in a way that she feels completely secure.

Thanks for listening!

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